I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
