WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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