Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
