I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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