I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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