I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
