I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
