My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
