Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
