Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
