Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
