Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
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As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize