We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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