just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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