I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
