matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
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I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
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There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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