the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
