I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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