when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
