I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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