When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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