even my farts smell like vagina
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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