so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
