I'm going to jail i love you
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
