You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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