Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
