with your own penis?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
