o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
