I CAN MOONWALK!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
