my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
