I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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