do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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