your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
