I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
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I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
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How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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