you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
