I hate your face
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
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Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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