Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
