i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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