All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
