I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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