8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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