we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
