So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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