never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Someone signed my nipple.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
