1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
