I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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