My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
