I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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