I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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