Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
