Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
