I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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