Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
