Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
