Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
