Where are you?
In a non slutty way
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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