if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
