if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
