you have to choose: penises or morals?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
