haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
