haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Ketchup is God's man juice
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
