i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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