we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
