I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
party gras won. party gras always wins.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
