Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
