This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
