I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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