i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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