Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
