OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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