when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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