stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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