I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
