Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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