My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
